Summer movie season is upon us!! Sure your kids are still in school and it was likely in the 90s* back in March and 40* last week, so you really have no idea what season it is, but trust me when I tell you, it is summer movie season. So what’s coming up this summer that might be worth your $10. I shall tell you.
The Avengers – In Theaters Now
Guess what homeslice, you’re late to the party on this one. It opened last weekend with record breaking numbers. It was pretty cool. So go see it. Alexander Skarsgard’s dad is in it, go support him. (That’s Eric Northman from True Blood for the non-Trubies)
Dark Shadows – Opens May 11
I grew up like most 70s and 80s kids, with tales of yore told by my parents and grandparents of the stories of Dark Shadows. No, really. “I walked 20 miles to school” “Bread used to cost a nickle” and “Dark Shadows was the best show on television.” I have never seen this show, myself so I can not verify that. Bread did used to cost a nickle and the bus stopped at the end of my dad’s driveway, I’ve seen it, so I don’t know where he got that one. So Johnny Depp is in this and hopefully he’s less freaky than he was on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
Men in Black III – Opens May 25
First we had aliens. Then we had… more aliens. Now. Aliens and time travel. It’s a veritable Doctor Who of Men in Black. Damn I miss David Tennant.
Snow White and the Huntsman – Opens June 1
I got burned watching Red Riding Hood last year. BURNED. Here I thought it was going to be this retelling of the story before it got all American-fied and made for kids and that it would be cool. No such luck. It was Twilight-fied. SUCKED. I really hope that doesn’t happen with this version of Snow White.
Prometheus – Opens June 8
The Alien prequel that’s not an Alien prequel. Whatever. The new trailer is awesome, makes me really excited for this movie. It better be good. They mostly come at night, mostly. (Yes I know that’s from Aliens and not Alien, it’s still a funny line)
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter – Opens June 22
This movie is either going to rock or suck ass. Again, let’s hope it’s not Twilight-fied. Perhaps the next generation will learn about how Lincoln read by the light of sparkling vampires.
Brave – Opens June 22
I am stupid excited about this movie. Little red headed Scottish girl kicks some ass. Sounds like a winner to me.
The Amazing Spider-Man – Opens July 3
I’m still kind of mad that this movie was even made. Sorry, no Sam Raimi, no Bruce Campbell? It’s not Spider-Man.
The Dark Knight Rises – Opens July 20
Final movie of the Dark Knight trilogy. Will Batman finally get some Sucrets? One can only hope.
Total Recall – Opens August 3
I have to admit that I’m worried that the whole pulling the ping pong ball out of the nose scene is going to be CGI’d. That would be a bummer.
Resident Evil: Retribution – Opens September 14
I have not played the video games, but the Resident Evil movies are my not-so-secret shame. Love them. I am hoping that the Rotten Tomatoes gods are good, but I don’t care, I’m seeing it anyway.
Looper – Opens September 28
This movie is about an assassin who kills people that are sent back in time until his future self is sent back for him to kill. That will fuck with your head.
Overall, I’m semi excited about the movies this summer. It’s not crazy good. I won’t be at the theater every weekend, but I’ll be there often enough. So what do you think? Did I miss anything? Anything you don’t want to see?
*All temperatures in Fahrenheit. If you’re reading this blog I’m sure you’re smart enough to figure out the conversion.