Summer Movies That Might Be Worth Your Time

Summer movie season is upon us!! Sure your kids are still in school and it was likely in the 90s* back in March and 40* last week, so you really have no idea what season it is, but trust me when I tell you, it is summer movie season. So what’s coming up this summer that might be worth your $10. I shall tell you.

The Avengers – In Theaters Now
Guess what homeslice, you’re late to the party on this one. It opened last weekend with record breaking numbers. It was pretty cool. So go see it. Alexander Skarsgard’s dad is in it, go support him. (That’s Eric Northman from True Blood for the non-Trubies)

Dark Shadows – Opens May 11
I grew up like most 70s and 80s kids, with tales of yore told by my parents and grandparents of the stories of Dark Shadows. No, really. “I walked 20 miles to school” “Bread used to cost a nickle” and “Dark Shadows was the best show on television.” I have never seen this show, myself so I can not verify that. Bread did used to cost a nickle and the bus stopped at the end of my dad’s driveway, I’ve seen it, so I don’t know where he got that one. So Johnny Depp is in this and hopefully he’s less freaky than he was on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Men in Black III – Opens May 25
First we had aliens. Then we had… more aliens. Now. Aliens and time travel. It’s a veritable Doctor Who of Men in Black. Damn I miss David Tennant.

Snow White and the Huntsman – Opens June 1
I got burned watching Red Riding Hood last year. BURNED. Here I thought it was going to be this retelling of the story before it got all American-fied and made for kids and that it would be cool. No such luck. It was Twilight-fied. SUCKED. I really hope that doesn’t happen with this version of Snow White.

Prometheus

Prometheus Movie Poster from ComingSoon.net

Prometheus – Opens June 8
The Alien prequel that’s not an Alien prequel. Whatever. The new trailer is awesome, makes me really excited for this movie. It better be good. They mostly come at night, mostly. (Yes I know that’s from Aliens and not Alien, it’s still a funny line)

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter – Opens June 22
This movie is either going to rock or suck ass. Again, let’s hope it’s not Twilight-fied. Perhaps the next generation will learn about how Lincoln read by the light of sparkling vampires.

Brave – Opens June 22
I am stupid excited about this movie. Little red headed Scottish girl kicks some ass. Sounds like a winner to me.

The Amazing Spider-Man – Opens July 3
I’m still kind of mad that this movie was even made. Sorry, no Sam Raimi, no Bruce Campbell? It’s not Spider-Man.

The Dark Knight Rises – Opens July 20
Final movie of the Dark Knight trilogy. Will Batman finally get some Sucrets? One can only hope.

Total Recall – Opens August 3
I have to admit that I’m worried that the whole pulling the ping pong ball out of the nose scene is going to be CGI’d. That would be a bummer.

Resident Evil: Retribution – Opens September 14
I have not played the video games, but the Resident Evil movies are my not-so-secret shame. Love them. I am hoping that the Rotten Tomatoes gods are good, but I don’t care, I’m seeing it anyway.

Looper – Opens September 28
This movie is about an assassin who kills people that are sent back in time until his future self is sent back for him to kill. That will fuck with your head.

Overall, I’m semi excited about the movies this summer. It’s not crazy good. I won’t be at the theater every weekend, but I’ll be there often enough. So what do you think? Did I miss anything? Anything you don’t want to see?

*All temperatures in Fahrenheit. If you’re reading this blog I’m sure you’re smart enough to figure out the conversion.

zv7qrnb

Character Sketches: The Avengers

This Friday The Avengers premieres in theaters here in the U.S. Have you missed the previous movies? Forget who’s who? Don’t want to spend half the movie trying to remember everyone’s background? Well you are in luck, my friend, I shall help you out with some quick character sketches. Now I am not going to go into deep detail here, just a nice quick overview to refresh your memory or at least give you the highlights.

The Incredible Hulk (2008) – Dr. Bruce Banner/Hulk
This is the only lead-in movie I have not seen. I’m not sure why. Accident goes wrong, Dr. Bruce Banner become The Hulk when he’s angry, shit hits the fan. Per my husband “This movie doesn’t suck as much as the first one and is closer to the 70s TV show.”

Iron Man (2008) and Iron Man 2 (2010)- Tony StarkThe Avengers
Tony Stark is a rich genius who inherited his dad’s weapons development company. After a malfunction at a weapons demonstration he is injured and winds up with a piece of shrapnel embedded in his chest. To keep the shrapnel from hitting his heart and killing him, a doctor builds an electromagnet to keep the shrapnel in check. Together with the doctor Stark builds an energy source to power the electromagnet, the iron man suits, and keep his drinks cold.

Captain America (2011) – Steve Rogers
Steve Rogers is a skinny, scrawny kid who is deemed unfit for service by the US Military during World War II. Overhearing his passion a doctor clears him for service and brings him into a program that turns him into a super soldier. In this incarnation Rogers is forced to crash land a bomber plain in the Arctic which freezes him for 70 years until he catches up with the present day. Prospects for his former love interest don’t look good.

Thor (2011) – Thor
Thor is a Greek God (yeah he is!). He’s also a bit of a douchecanoe. He starts a war, tells his dad where to go and how to get there, and gets his ass kicked out of town, also known as Asgard. He lands on Earth and hooks up with Natalie Portman. Only not in that way. Sadly. Back in Asgard things start to go to shit because Thor’s dad, Odin, is in a coma and his brother, Loki, is causing trouble. There’s dissent and folks try to get Thor back. Loki sends a big ass machine monster after Thor, Thor eventually kicks it’s ass, and regains his power when he finds his hammer. Also, Conan O’Brien redubs the trailers and makes it hard not to giggle through the movie.

Un-Movie-d
These three are hard to give a background on. Thus far I’ve given recent movie character information only. We could go rounds on different versions, different storylines, reboots, etc. So I don’t want to give you information about these characters that could be “wrong” in the sense that the information won’t apply to the current movie. So. Here’s just a super brief statement about who these folks are.

Black Widow a.k.a. Natasha Romanoff
Black Widow has a lot of origin stories. So. We’ll go with she’s acrobatic and she can shoot well. Let’s hope she’s more than the token female.

Hawkeye a.k.a. Clint Barton
This is from my husband: Hawkeye wears purple and has special arrows for every occasion. He’s good with a bow and arrow. He’s Katniss for all the ladies.

Nick Fury
Nick Fury is the head of S.H.E.I.L.D., a tough guy with his own way of doing things. Kicks ass, takes names. Doesn’t like snakes when they are on planes. OK that last part I made up.